explorations

“amazing joy I happy shout you took my dark and cast it out

amazing grace how sweet the sound I come and lay my burdens down”

things i like

-iced coffee -the smell of old books -journals with ripped spines from so much wear -all white bedrooms -windows -sitting next to a person i love not saying anything for hours -freshly painted fingernails -everything floral -planning my future life

my current mission: learn to ask forgiveness

(it’s harder than it seems)

august 30, 2010. seriously? i’m an idiot. i just went back and read my posts and i look like a fool because i made this whole shpeel (not right, but that’s how i’ve decided it’s spelled) about sticking with this and look how it’s turned out… it hasn’t turned out. but it’s interesting because lately i’ve been on this bible kick where i read it before i go to bed and i’ve been feeling this intense feeling to write in a journal. then, i remembered this. so, here… we’ll try again. maybe i won’t say i’ll stick with it because that just means the opposite.

so, after looking at my last post i’m seriously surprised at what i wrote. i literally had no idea i could string sentences that sounded so beeeautiful, if you can call it that. but i love it. it’s so amazing to see where i was just five months ago. i have found that i cannot go to sleep without praying. i feel restless and no matter how tired i am, i just can’t do it! gosh, thanks god… just kidding but for real, i can’t do it. i start every prayer off with 

“dear god, thank you for this day and thank you for my friends and family”

i mean, how standard can you get? but, i find that after a full day of being ungrateful for even the little things that people do for me, telling god that i’m thankful for them helps me to know that he’s transporting that love to them in some way. i guess it takes learning to be able to appreciate someone fully. after weeks away from someone, i feel this new gratefulness and beauty for everything about them but then it wears off so quickly. i wish i could find a way to feel refreshed every day, like i haven’t seen my familiar people in years. wouldn’t that be lovely.

i’m rambling on and on and it’s clear i’ve been needing something like this. maybe it’ll make up for all the lost time, ha. well, i took up a good chunk of time writing this while babsitting… i’ll go watch tv now and put my homework on my lap in order to feel good about myself.

goodnight,

maggie

discovered

i’ve found it. god is here and he is in me. it took some searching: thirty days of the bible and a summer to realize this fact. yea, fact. as i was reading the very last passage about jesus, all i wrote was: “HE IS ALIVE” he is alive and i can believe it.

not only was god discovered on this journey but i was discovered. my bones were dug out of the ground, given a soul and given a purpose… to find THE purpose.

and i have never been happier.

we are his portion and he is our prize drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes if grace is an ocean we’re all sinking so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest i don’t have time to maintain these regrets when i think about the way he loves us. oh how he loves us.

interrogation

what

where

when

how

why

which

who

are you?